DEAR AFRICAN PARENTS

Dear African Parents,

We come to you with deep respect and gratitude for the immense love, sacrifice, and cultural grounding you poured into raising us. You taught us resilience, respect for elders, the importance of education, and the strength of family. Yet, as we navigate the complexities of modern adulthood, particularly in relationships, many of us feel a crucial piece was missing in our preparation on how to build genuine, non-romantic friendships with the opposite sex.

The core challenge many young men face is this. We were often not explicitly equipped to see girls first as sisters, friends, and fellow human beings worthy of protection and respect, separate from romantic or sexual potential.

The result as someone poignantly observes. Every time you have a female friend that likes you with no strings attached, you start thinking about taking her to bed. This isn't necessarily about inherent badness, but often about a framework we lacked. If the primary narrative around interactions with girls wasn't friendship but avoidance don't get her pregnant or future marriage prospects, it creates a void where platonic connection struggles to take root.

Let me breakdown my explanation:

1.It Limits Healthy Social Development: It denies young men the richness of diverse friendships and perspectives that women offer. True camaraderie, emotional support, and intellectual exchange are stunted.

2.It Creates Pressure and Misinterpretation: Simple kindness or friendship from a girl can be misread as romantic interest, leading to awkwardness, disappointment, or even disrespectful behaviour when expectations aren't met.

3.It Undermines Protection: The powerful African value of protecting our sisters and daughters can become blurred if a young man hasn't been taught to extend that protective instinct universally to female friends, seeing them as inherently valuable beyond potential romance.

4.It Fosters Inequality: It subtly reinforces the idea that women primarily exist in relation to men's desires romantic or familial, rather than as autonomous individuals with whom diverse relationships are possible.

The solution isn't complex, but it requires intentionality. We need to  actively cultivate a sister-friend mindset in our boys from a young age.

Don't wait for puberty. From childhood, encourage and normalize friendships between boys and girls. Talk about it explicitly, She is your friend, just like David is your friend. Treat her with the same kindness and respect. Frame girls in their peer group as sisters in community. Fathers, uncles, and older brothers show your sons what healthy, respectful, non-romantic interactions with women look like. How do you treat female colleagues, cousins, or family friends. Your actions speak volumes.

Instill the principle of protecting all younger or vulnerable children, especially girls, because they are sisters in the community. Frame it as an honourable duty, separate from any personal feelings. That girl is someone's daughter, someone's sister. How would you want your sister treated? Protect her dignity. Move beyond the binary of future wife or avoid. Actively discuss the value and normalcy of having female friends. Share stories of positive, platonic cross-gender friendships. Help boys understand their own feelings and differentiate between friendship, admiration, and attraction. Teach them to respect a girl's no or her expressed desire for friendship only, without resentment or pressure. Emphasize that a girl's worth is absolute, regardless of her relationship status with them. Mothers, your voice is powerful. Talk to your sons about respecting girls. Share your own experiences. Aunties can offer invaluable perspectives and mentorship.

Imagine a generation of young African men who move through the world confident in their ability to form deep, respectful friendships with women. Men who see a female colleague, classmate, or neighbour not first as a potential partner, but as a potential friend and fellow human on life's journey. Men who instinctively protect and uplift the girls and women around them because they were taught to see them truly as sisters in spirit.

This isn't about dismissing cultural values around marriage and family; it's about enriching the foundation upon which those future relationships can be built a foundation of mutual respect, genuine understanding, and the ability to connect on multiple levels.

African parents, you have always prepared us for the future. Let's add this vital layer preparing our sons for a world where friendship knows no gender, and respect for women is ingrained as deeply as the love for our own sisters.

With respect and hope for the future, Your Sons and Daughters.

Until the moment when will shall dance in white Greater Grace.

Oyugbo Osagie Jonah