MY SECOND WIFE

It was the week of my hopefully upcoming wedding to my second wife. Yes, you read that right. In a display of modern family teamwork, my first wife, my fiancée (wife-to-be 2), and I went to book a hotel room and pay for some disgustingly expensive wedding invitations.

Shockingly, my first wife was too happy. She was practically the wedding planner from heaven, or maybe it was a very clever, long-game strategy. She kept calling our family pastor to pray for the success of the marriage so we could "all welcome the new wife together in peace." I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but so far, only blessings.

She was even out-spending me! She single-handedly paid for the wedding venue and booked enough food to feed a small nation. I began to suspect she was trying to make this wedding so spectacular that wife No.3 would be impossible to afford.

Three days to the wedding, my bank account was a tragedy. I was stressed. I wanted a dream wedding, and apparently, so did my first wife.

Then, the miracle happened. My first wife took out a 12 MILLION NAIRA loan and transferred it all to me. I was overcome with joy, shock, and a healthy dose of fear. To celebrate, I ran to the shower to clear my head. Without thinking, I turned on the tap, closed my eyes, and let the water run, dreaming of my future life as a broke-but-happy family man.

I didn't realize I had accidentally blocked the drain. The next thing I knew, I was in a real-life Titanic situation. Water was everywhere, covering my face. I tried to stand but couldn't. Breathing became a luxury I could no longer afford. I desperately called for my first wife, but of course, she didn't answer probably busy choosing centerpieces.

My breath failed me. My body gave in. As I began to see a bright light, I faintly heard a voice: "Baby, up. Baby, up!"

I tried to answer, but my strength was gone. Then… BAM! A seismic shock of pain hit my back and I launched out of the tub like a torpedo.

I jumped up, gasping for air, only to see Mama Benita on the bed, giving me a look that could curdle milk, ready to land another calculated slap.

I couldn't say a word. I just quietly claimed my corner of the bed and thanked God it was all a bad dream. That 12 million naira was too good to be true.

Until the moment when will shall dance in white Greater Grace.

Oyugbo Osagie Jonah 

 #NigerianNightmare #FirstWifeBestWife #MamaBenitaIsTheBoss #12MillionNairaMiracle #AlmostDrownedInMyDream #WeddingPlanningStress #TheSlapOfReality #GodAbeg #TeamFirstWife #BathtubBetrayal #RelationshipGoalsGoneWrong